


Betrayed, be loved

by AntisocailIntrovert



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-29 05:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17197007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntisocailIntrovert/pseuds/AntisocailIntrovert
Summary: Betrayed by his parentsBe loved by someone you pushed away





	1. O N E

**Author's Note:**

> Hey just a lil warning, minor triggers :)  
> And yes I'm back with more fic!

Hey, I'm Phil Lester. I'm a lost boy.  
Phils POV  
another day of school, smiling, happiness and pure bliss so most parents make it out to be. To me hell, in other words, a place where I have to smile constantly and be happy. Of course, I had friends and stuff well "friends" I swore I only hang out with them to make it not look like I'm alone. I have a best friend tho PJ he's really nice and an honest guy. It's our last year in school and thank god it is. We can't wait to get out. Oh, my other friends there not really relevant.   
I walk up to my first lesson English I groan at the site of the English block and remember I have to climb Everest to get to my lesson and then sit in that for an hour of hell. It was pretty boring, to say the least. Most of the cool kids which I wasn't but they seemed to talk to me a bit, it was probably only so that on Sunday they could ask me for the answers to homework due on Monday which they haven't done. Eugh. They were basically stupid twats trying to be cool by acting badly and attention seeking. Well, they were all on their phones. While the teacher blabs out words and people write furiously down on their paper I did that too, to seem like I was paying attention, but in reality, my mind was far away and I was just writing down stupid sarcastic comments about the lesson. Too small for the teacher to pick up on.   
Dingggggggg  
The sound of the first period over yay. To be honest the next lesson wasn't too bad food. We were cooking and PJ was in the lesson too, so it wouldn't be such a bore. We arrived as the oldish lady greeted us with the trolly full of our bags that we had brought in earlier that morning. We all stood by our large circular tables, which had about 2-4 people per side on, luckily it was just me and PJ on one side, I think she favourites us a little. We always get good reports too. Now I'm not saying I'm a complete goody two shoes. I'm just saying I was well behaved and people got along with for the answers they even copied them in tests.   
We all started to lay our ingredients out as the teacher shouted us all to look at what she was doing. She was chopping up an onion, bridge hold. Why this was so exciting I don't know. People look amazed as they saw this wonderful figure CHOPPING AN ONION it's a fucking onion. I think to myself as I turn back towards my desk and start chopping up my vegetables for my home classic Shepard's pie. I must say I wasn't a fan of it myself and basically just did it because it was a recipe miss offered too us. I had a friend who was a girl her name was Ellie. She was nice and all but I never thought more of her than a friend even if I was straight. Like she's pretty but like I said I wouldn't date her. Anyway, she was just saying that she's just gonna chuck away her food as soon as she leaves the class, we all laughed and giggled as this is what happened every week or she'd try and give it one of her friends but it didn't work, to say the least. She was enthusiastic but at the same time, she couldn't wait to get out at break and see her friends. Sometimes I would wait behind for her and keep an eye on her food as it was nearly done but she Wanted to go. It's not like I had much to do otherwise and it was a nice thing to do, she was always there for me anyway. She was a good person. I feel like friendships with the opposite sex can end badly or be really nice and ours was really nice. We never hung out like but we would still play Xbox and games together over live with some of my friends, she enjoyed it and that was the good thing. Okay well, maybe I liked her for a bit but not anymore. Well, that's a story for another day.   
Back to cooking after our little laugh session, she moved over to our table mine and PJ there was enough room and the girls on her side was annoying her as personally they were bratty bitches which most of them were, to be honest , oh did I mention that we're in the same form so we've done class projects together before . It was fun, we would only work together when it had to be boy-girl pairs we already had people telling us to date, that was enough thank you. I'd just put all my vegetables in a pan with some stock as the teacher told us we could all leave for break. Great I thought perfect timing so now I had to either stay behind but I had things to do, turn the gas off, or leave it simmering. Which could have been dangerous. Ahhh this was annoying. The teacher saw me and said " don't worry Phil I'll keep an eye on it " I thanked her and walked out to meet PJ my other friends laughing at me saying teaches pet I hit them and we walked off towards the top playground, basically a car park.   
We all arrived up there to see a large circle forming in the centre of the yard. I shouted as everyone came running towards me to only find the fight hadn't even started and we were just all huddling in a circle which made it seem like a fight was gonna happen. "What a waste of time, " Chris said. I mean he was right but we had nothing better to do. Most of my friends had snacks and I and PJ would steal food off them at break as Our lunch was at 1:05 pm and it was only 10:50 am now. Normally I had breakfast but I was in a rush today to get out.   
Dingggggg  
The bell went again signalling it was the end of break and all the teachers shoved us back to our lesson. We arrived back and my pan was turned off and my vegetables soft just perfect. I thanked our teacher and got on with what was next. Potatoes I cut them up and placed them in hot water while helping Ellie finish her cooking off as she was a little behind. This lesson was all a joke really a fun time for us all.   
After that long lesson, the day was nearly over only a few more lessons and lunch but it wasn't all that bad, to be honest, lunch went quickly and so did the rest of the day and before I knew it I was on the bus on my way back to home.   
Our bus was tatty and literally breaking and smelt of burning rubber at all times. I hated it there was mould in the windows but we were the only people who didn't have to pay. Suppose you pay for what you get. The bus was mostly filled with people I knew from my primary school. I didn't really have any friends on there, to be honest, just a few people I knew. There was my so-called friend well that's what they called me and hung around with me a lot. It was Ryan. He was nice and all just got my nerves a lot and stuff. I sat next to him whenever he actually got on the bus but normally it would be me with my broken headphones blasting muse and panic down my ears. Until I reached my stop.  
Only a small walk away was my house I had to cross a busy road with a few other people. One being Sophie one of Ellie's friends she was nice, I and no problem with her she went to my old school so we got on pretty well. It was only a couple of mins a day we would talk and stuff so it didn't really matter.   
I reached my house after the long day and just flop onto the chair and put my bag down and take off my shoes before placing myself on the sofa of doom. Well where my parents would question me endlessly about my day and what happened, god they were so overprotective. So after a while, I would go to my room to only occasionally leave if they shouted me and for dinner and something to drink now. And again and obviously for the toilet. Ahah. Youtube was one of my biggest things that made me happy other peoples success made me smile I loved it. If it wasn't watching youtube I'd be painting and listening to fob, muse, tøp, p!atd and some other stuff. Then eventually I would sleep after a long day you would think it's easy to sleep nope nope nope nope.   
My mind stays restless  
Thinking about events that day   
Your wondering why I'm lost right   
Take a look inside my brain   
I'll show you later


	2. T W O

Phils POV   
Bleep bleep bleep  
My phone alarm was going off, I rubbed my eyes. Trying to remove the sleep from my eyes. I hadn't slept well, my body was aching and tired from about the 5 hrs sleep I had.   
I rolled out of bed. Sticking one leg out to brave the coldness. Then eventually stook two legs out to stand. Goosebumps rose on my arms as the morning dew coldness hit me. I walked over to the bathroom to clean my face and use the toilet. I looked out the window, foggy, great I say sarcastically. it's not that I didn't like fog, it was just the air was a little damp making me feel uncomfortable as if I couldn't tell whether I was hot or cold.   
I begin to put on my uniform. Always in the same order: shirt, socks, trousers, tie and jumper if I was wearing one. Which I decided against today as it seemed like the sun was gonna come out. I smile half-heartedly as I walk down the stairs to be greeted by my dad and my breakfast made on the table for me. People said I was lucky that someone got up for me in the morning to make me breakfast, sometimes I just wish I could be independent and do it myself.   
After I had eaten all of my toast, I went to grab my bag and placed my lunch in it. I put my blazer on sliding my phone into my inside pocket and throwing my backpack on. I said goodbye and walked out the door, fiddling with the keys in my pocket as I try to get my Spotify to work as I walk through the damp morning.   
People wondered why I played with little objects so much, I think of things as little safety objects like every key ring has a different meaning. And all of my jackets have different items from different people as my keys were in my blazer I played with them a lot. Many of my key rings were from my friends but some I had just bought of a holiday as a little memento. I also have a rubber band, I love it so much especially at school all my friends think I'm weird and steal it off me. I got it from my old form tutor before she left. I loved playing with it as it was simple to play with under the desk and for some reason, I felt safe around her and comfortable and it kinda reminds me of her. It has a tiny tear in which gets bigger the more people pull it and steal it away from me as I try to get it back as if it's life or death without it. Just like me, the more people tug at it the worse it gets. It's reassuring playing with something it takes what Evers off my mind and takes me to a place which isn't as bad. And keeps me at ease with my ever growing fear of loneliness and people.   
I arrive at the bus stop with my earphones in, the few people I stand with say hi as I stand near them looking down at my phone. PJ never replies when you message him this early. Ahah and so I just use the free WiFi from the charity shop close by to scroll through Tumblr and random rubbish. After a while, our cranky bus turns up. Thank god soon I'll be able to get this over and done with.   
After the journey, I'm greeted by what seems a swarm of people but dies down too about 7 of us standing looking at each-other everyone having their own conversations. While I turn my music off and start to join in with the chatter. "Everyone come on we're gonna be late" Ryan shouts as we walk up, normally he's a little carefree. Maybe he had something to do today. When we reach near drama we all go to somewhat our separate paths walking towards our form. I stand outside with PJ waiting for our form tutor to actually Arrive, it's painful waiting.   
"Hey Phil are you okay," PJ asks as we walk in "ye I'm good," I say smiling back he doesn't know what my mum did last night, did he. Suppose you want to know tho. We got in an argument because I was going to mow the lawn to save her doing it and I asked her a simple question " do you want me to mow the lawn or get the stuff out for you" and she just bites my head off basically and starts shouting at me for no reason that I should have done it anyway and she shouldn't have to ask, sometimes I wish I didn't live or I didn't live in that house . She just shouts at me telling me there's no point anymore she'll do it because I don't help my helpless mother and it's all my fault she's on all these tablets. It hurt me like a bullet. Every time stabbing me with her harsh violent words. Then I run off into my bedroom. Tears forming in my eyes before she comes banging on the door saying she loves me and what's wrong before leaving to carry on watching her program. Every time then the next time I see her she thinks everything's okay. But it's not and then when I don't reply to her she gets mad at me again. Why can't I and my dad just move out? I think he loves her too much to do that. Ahh. It all changed when my best friend died, it's not a best friend like you know...   
" Phil?" PJ says waving his hand in front of my face "you sure you're okay you can talk to me you know" . " ye I'm good don't worry" I say grabbing my before we walk off to geography. The floor looked a little uneven to me and the cream coloured lyno was all marked with gum and ink. The walls seemed to cave in on me and everything shrunk down on me until I was small and couldn't move, frozen dead in my tracks. And blackness filled the room, my head was spinning in large circles until smaller ones were made. And I could see the galaxies when my eyes were closed until my light had been sucked out and only played dead stars and all their wishes never came true. My friend bumped into me asking if I was alright I looked miles away deep in thought. He tried to look at me I only looked away. Running to the bathroom to sit in sorrow and curl up into a hole and hope to never be found . .


	3. T H R E E

Phils POV   
smiling, such a harmless thing looking at someone to smile at them and making their day a little better. Some smiles were fake tho the ones where you had to lie to your friend that your fine so you didn't worry them and give them more to deal with.   
I hated talking about what's wrong I felt alone yet I didn't want to express my problems as they were scary enough for me, never mind having people in white coats look at me and stare at me, bombarding me with pointless questions about my life.   
The week is going quickly each day somewhat getting better I suppose. I dreaded going back but it wasn't all that bad. I mean I was still with my friends I suppose. Did I ever tell you about half of my friends sexualises? Another thing I'm very very wary about myself saying I don't want to stand out. 

Most of them are openly not straight it's hard explaining who and what they are but I'll give you a brief explanation: Pj is straight as far as I know but he's full of surprises! , Ryan is bi or pan he's not sure, dan he's well nobody knows people say he's gay cuz he hangs around with us but idk, Chris he's bi. And I well I think I'm pretty gay. I don't like to say it at all I've never once told my friends my sexuality well apart from the straight dad joke now and again. But that didn't define who I was.   
Some people knew that I and Chris had a past, we dated on and off for a while it was awkward and cringe to say the least. I knew he had feelings towards me and yes I liked him, but he seemed to love me a lot more than I did him. In the end, we were on and off and I didn't want people knowing but he still did and that caused one of our breakups, one of many, we tried I think 3 times to make it work. But I gave up as I was extremely anxious and nervous about people knowing my sexuality and my parents finding out because his mum seemed to hate my guts. Literally, she stopped him from coming round my house because she read the messages I sent him as I said she was a bit scary, not in a fucking mean way. And so she basically wouldn't let him around mine until I told my parents! Which I think is fucking stupid may I say. So that's also what caused me to break up with him. As I was honestly petrified his mum would come and literally take me away and tell my parents about my sexuality. I wasn't prepared for my mum to start shouting at me again and my dad he might never accept me and he's the only thing I have left. We're friends tho to this day. , I tried to get him to hate me so he didn't have to talk to me again a burden he didn't need but someone forced us back together. I'm kinda glad they did tho in the end. 

I'm scared, mentally, and physically, I'm not prepared for Saturday. Supposedly we're all gonna meet up and go to town or something. I wanted friends of course but some were pushing and I can't say no. I just can't for some reason . And I hate asking questions which comes at a cost of going out. And having to look presentable I literally wear the same clothes outside of school. Jeans and the choice of 3 t-shirts. I know exciting. I cancelled on them many times because I couldn't cope with going out. Things happen. And this time I had to go, regardless . . .


	4. F O U R

Phils POV

Saturday, the day is bleak and is full of unforeseen adventures. Today's gonna be long . I'm going out with PJ, Dan, Chris at 1 pm so I've got the start of the morning with my mum.   
I lay motionless, staring at the tiny crack forming on my ceiling. I wonder how big it will get, will the whole roof just fall down under the pressure it's holding. Or will it just crack and get repaired or covered up. I think about leaving the house so often to escape the begging of the torment and come back when it's not as bad. My dads out at work unfortunately so I have no one to go to if anything bad happens. It's 7:17 why am I up this Early on a weekend, even though I went to sleep around 2:30 am. I don't get it. Surely my body must be tired enough to make me go back to sleep. But no too many things are on my mind. I pick up my phone to look at the messages I haven't received yet as PJ is not up yet. Typical. Scroll through Instagram looking at the stereotypical pictures of girls. And the odd actually nice one of real people. 

*

9:30 am this is when I decide to get up as I can't lay around much longer avoiding the loud door slamming of my mum trying to get me up. I place one foot on the ground before I hear her literally coming up the stairs. Probably to start my day off bad. When I hear her walk past my bedroom and go to the toilet. My heartbeat slows down a little. I was scared of her sometimes and today was one of them days. I managed To get out of bed and chuck a t-shirt on that I had worn a couple of days ago, although I found out it had random marks on so I decided to change it. I called my mum to see if she had seen my black top and she said no. "Check the basket " "it's not in there, I look in the wash basket" "no Phil, that's dirty you scruffy minx" I still went in the basket and retrieved it. I told her I'm putting it on only for her to say "why are you acting like this put something colourful on you have loads of t-shirts I'm not going out if your acting like that" I was angry and annoyed by now and she had already set my day off bad. I wanted to have fun but suppose she just wanted to ruin it. "I've not even done anything !" I shout before going to my room to change into my top. 

Shopping with my mum was painful as I had to spend at least an hour with her alone, and she would just get on at me for the littlest of things, like for not putting something in the trolley. I was talking to my dad the day before about what I needed for school because I thought me and my dad were gonna go. I didn't even dare tell my mum what I needed, I would have rather gone without. We had finally got to the checkout where I had barely said anything the whole trip in case I said something wrong and then I'd get extremely told off when I got home. We'd packed everything and headed out and " oh Phil you've made me forgot the oranges, that's your fault" I don't think she intended it to hurt me as much as it did. When was it ever not my fault? I didn't say anything cause I would get moaned at for back chatting but because I didn't say anything she had a go at me because I wasn't paying attention and ignoring her. 

Finally, we were in the car and only the quiet hum of the engine and barely audio able radio broke the silence .  
" what's wrong Phil you've hardly said anything?" I sigh as she asks me and she pretends that everything's okay when it's not.   
"Everything's fine mum" she keeps looking at me  
"is it pj or Chris have they done something" she was protective but sometimes overprotective, sometimes I don't think she gets how much her words hurt .  
" no they haven't done anything"  
"then what's wrong ?" I prepare myself to be ignored or shouted at for the rest of the car ride. .   
"I'm just sick of you having a go at me all the time when I just try to help". I knew it was a mistake saying that but like my best friend said stick up for yourself and brave the people who hate. She lashes out at me saying I'm the one who's being miserable and mardy. Maybe one day she'll meet herself. 

Finally we arrive home, we both had said nothing for the rest of the car journey. I took the shopping out of the boot and put it on the doorstep waiting for her to come and open the door. After a few mins, she came. With a look indescribable, it was like she had just seen someone kill her dog mixed with a little bit of anger and resentment. It honestly scared me . As soon as I got in I put the shopping away while she went upstairs. Probably to sware at me under her breath. The sooner I put the shopping away the sooner I could leave to sit in my room and be at peace with myself and not have to come out till 1 pm when PJ was gonna meet me. I was hoping I don't have to come home tonight and someone suggests we have a sleepover I wanted to get away from this house. Without my dad, I was all alone.


End file.
